He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
