Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
