pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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