I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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