I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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