I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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