We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
