I am spending my child support on dildos
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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