My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize