shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
