So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
