ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
