i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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