i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
