i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
