she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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