I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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