Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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