i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
