Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina