hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.