Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.