how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So much rum. So many feels.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
