He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.