he referred to my room as the tit cave...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
