she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
