Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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