Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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