I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
