all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
