gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
