drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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