Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
