My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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