I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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