You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
