I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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