Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
