I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
