U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
