Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
