You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
