In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
