just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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