Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
