Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
