apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
