sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
