It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
