Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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