Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize