Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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