I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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