True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
