Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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