Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
