yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
