you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
