Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
