Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
