"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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