maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
