I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
