I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
