Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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