hotel room ftw
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
