We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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