she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
