My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Quick, to the slutcave!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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