He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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