So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
