Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
